Watching Porn with Your Partner

Couple watching porn together

10 Practical Tips For Watching Porn as a Couple

Contributed by Dr. Petra Zebroff  Sex Therapist

  1. Talk about what you are interested in before you begin looking for a film.
    This will help you find a comfortable starting-point.
  2. Pick out a video together. Get something that you are both interested in.
    This is a great opportunity to talk openly about your interests and find out what her/his turn-ons are. Have fun with it.
  3. Find time and space when you know you will not be disturbed.
    The last thing you want is to be thinking about the kids bursting in at any minute while you are watching some hot in-out action.
  4. Do make fun of porn.
    It’s an ideal icebreaker to mutually laugh at the stupid music or the awkward positions. But don’t make fun of porn TOO much. You may be inadvertently criticizing what really turns her/him on. Or you may “ruin” the mood. Start off with something mild.
  5. “Couples” or classic porn is a great place to start.
    70′s music and hairy, natural people are less threatening, somehow.
  6. Fast forwarding is your friend.
    If something doesn’t work for either of you, fast forward. Note: Before you leap for the button make sure you KNOW for certain it is not a secret turn on for your partner.
  7. Talk about it.
    Joke about it. Porn is an excellent way to open up communication about what technique he/she likes or doesn’t like. And, it’s a way to tell them gently what you would like more or less of.
  8. Learn from porn, but don’t take it at face value.
    Myths and inaccuracies are so prevalent in adult film that it is almost laughable. Just because a male porn star can make a female porn star orgasm by sticking his penis down her throat does not mean ANY other woman will come that way. Check your facts. Uhhh…her clitoris is not in the back of her throat.
  9. Pay attention to cues.
    Is he/she is looking on in horror, turning rigid, or is he/she sidling up to you? These body language cues can tell you a lot about your partner’s inner erotic workings.  Observe…and you will be rewarded.
  10. Be mindful of stereotypes that may bother your partner.
    Porn is rife with stereotypes about gender, body image and sexuality that may be off-putting. Breast size, body fat, hairlessness, size of genitals have all been altered on female porn stars to fit some unrealistic image of a sexual woman. Seeing all of these so-called “perfect” people can make the most secure woman aware of her own imperfections. Not a turn on! Even if you don’t see that blemish on her chin or extra bulge on the tummy (hey, maybe it even turns you on), your partner may. The same goes for men and concerns over penis size and body image.Let your partner know that YOU do not fall for it. Avoid criticizing him/her, and focus instead on their positive bits and simply be mindful of what they may be experiencing.

And finally, be open.  Just because your partner is getting turned on by that guy/guy or double anal scene, does not mean you have to get turned on by it as well.  Instead, turn your attention to your partner during the scenes that don’t necessarily work for you. Let their aroused state be your porn.

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