- Find the directors you like… and stick with them.
- Often an adult box-cover and title are designed to sell the film when it may have very little to do with what is happening in the film itself. Directors generally stick to what they are good at and will have similar plots, tones, themes, and acts performed from one film to another.
- Browse categories. Think of what sexual acts you fantasize about and browse those categories. This is a great opportunity for discovering what is in the darkest recesses of his/her fantasies.
- Look for Award Winning Porn, Women-Made Porn and Classic Porn film categories. If you are having difficulty finding the director or categories that work for the two of you, these categories are a safe starting point.
- Shop in a comfy and safe environment. Your female partner is as likely to feel comfortable flipping through DVD covers of big-breasted blond women with heavy-breathing men hanging over her shoulder, than you would be buying tampons at a dress-only tea party. Either find a “couples friendly” store or, better yet, do it online. You can download movies, stream them, rent them or buy them all in the privacy of your own home.
- Use a Decision Maker. A decision maker is a program that asks you to answer a few questions regarding your sexual likes and dislikes and produces suggestions based on those answers. Try our Libida Decision Maker.
- Read Adult Film Reviews. Adult Video News (AVN) rates and reviews adult films based on production values, cinematography, screenwriting, acting etc. NOTE: these reviews and awards are conducted by the adult industry, which is strongly influenced by traditional male stereotypes, and they do NOT take the female viewer into consideration. Take them with a grain of salt.
Tips For Watching Porn as a Couple
- Talk about what you are interested in before you begin looking for a film.
This will help you find a comfortable starting-point.
- Pick something out together.
Get something that you are both interested in. This is a great opportunity to talk openly about your interests and find out what her turn-ons are. Have fun with it.
- Find time and space when you know you will not be disturbed
The last thing you want is to be thinking about the kids bursting in at any minute while you are watching some hot in-out action.
- Do make fun of porn.
It’s an ideal icebreaker to mutually laugh at the stupid music or the awkward positions. But don’t make fun of porn TOO much. You may be inadvertently criticizing what really turns her on. Or you may “ruin” the mood. Start off with something mild.
- “Couples” videos or classic porn is a great place to start.
70′s music and hairy, natural people are less threatening, somehow.
- Fast forwarding is your friend.
If something doesn’t work for either of you, fast forward. Note: Before you leap for the button make sure you KNOW for certain it is not a secret turn on for your partner.
- Talk about it.
Joke about it. Porn is an excellent way to open up communication about what technique he/she likes or doesn’t like. And, it’s a way to tell them gently what you would like more or less of.
- Learn from porn, but don’t take it at face value.
Myths and inaccuracies are so prevalent in adult film that it is almost laughable. Just because a male porn star can make a female porn star orgasm by sticking his penis down her throat does not mean ANY other woman will come that way. Check your facts. Uhhh…her clitoris is not in the back of her throat.
- Pay attention to cues.
Is she is looking on in horror as her body turns rigid, or is she sidling up to you while she squirms in her seat? That is an important distinction. Observe…and you will be rewarded.
- Be mindful of stereotypes that may bother your partner.
Porn is rife with stereotypes about gender and sexuality that may be off-putting. Breast size, body fat, hairlessness, size of genitals have all been altered on female porn stars to fit some unrealistic image of a sexual woman. Seeing all of these so-called “perfect” women can make the most secure of woman aware of her own imperfections. Not a turn on! Even if you don’t see that blemish on her chin or extra bulge on her tummy (hey, maybe it even turns you on), she does. The same goes for men and concerns over penis size. Although you can’t alter society or educate the adult industry on your own, you can let her know that YOU do not fall for it. Other solutions are to avoid criticizing her, focus instead on her positive bits and simply be mindful of what she is up against.
- Be open.
Just because she is getting turned on during the guy/guy scenes, does not mean you have to get turned on by them as well. Turn your attention to her during the scenes that don’t necessarily work for you. Let her aroused state be your porn.